And so the Pope has come over for playtime.

Seems strange doesn’t it, the ex-Hitler Youth Pope Benedict XVI coming to a predominantly Church of England society (The clue is in the name, England and all that). And now he’s arrived, everybody seems a bit miffed that he’s decided to insult atheists, possibly expecting him to be their friend.

And the news today, oh boy, is how he associated atheism with Nazism in a speech. The following is a quote from the BBC:

“However, the Catholic Church has moved to play down the controversy, saying the Pope knew “rather well what the Nazi ideology is about”

Whilst he has repeatedly commented that he found the regime in which he grew up monstrous, you can’t help but think this is probably a lie. After all, surely he would’ve given some or all of the fabulous wealth the Vatican gained from the Nazis to some form of charity.

“The Pope knows rather well what the Nazi ideology is about.”

Quote of the year, and it comes from someone who should be sharing a cell with Gary Glitter.

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How to Travel With a Woman

September 10, 2010

About a week ago, I got back from Dublin, having been there with my girlfriend. Through this, I have learnt a few things about travelling with a woman. Here are those most vital things:

  1. Everything is your fault. If you’re walking back to the hotel and the Hubble Space Telescope falls from the sky, crushing the bridge you were about to cross, it’s your fault. If dinosaurs come back to life and consume the meal she was about to eat, it’s your fault.
  2. When it comes to picking a restaurant, it’s your job to pick. If the food is good, then you are lucky. If not, it’s your fault. You should know the place better than you know how to breathe, even if you’ve never been to the city before.
  3. When they time inevitably comes for your woman to complain about some small problem with the hotel, you will be the one actually vocalising the complaint to the poor sod at reception. It is recommended in this situation to get something for free in order to pacify the woman.
  4. You are not allowed to climb things. This is apparently childish.
  5. Cracking any joke at the airport is forbidden. In fact, talking is frowned upon, and customs turns into a modern day, chrome coated version of Colditz. You may give Name, rank, and serial number. Good luck Ginger.
  6. The woman will expect you to read the map. When you attempt to do so, memorise every street within 4 seconds. At this time the map will be snatched from you and all navigation rights will be removed.
  7. Be careful when it comes to waking up. This seemingly innocent act can severely anger your woman, and result in the removal of conjugal rights.
  8. Her bag will always weigh more than yours. Offer to carry it, but beware the inevitable hernia which will follow.
  9. When it comes to sightseeing, anything you find interesting will be deemed childish, pointless or boring. If it’s particularly good, it will be designated as all 3, and you will have to endure a shopping trip in which she looks at many things, and purchases nothing.
  10. Finally, when you are waiting at the airport to get back, don’t let her take you to baggage reclaim. She will walk straight past the brightly lit conveyor belt with a sign above with your flight number, and instead attempt to walk out of the airport without your luggage. This is of course, your fault.