How to Attract a Woman

May 16, 2012

So it seems a lot of men have no idea what women actually want, making some fairly serious mistakes in the whole dating game. So here’s some advice on how to get a woman interested. There will be a corresponding post for women wanting to attract men too. So don’t panic.

Step One: Picking your woman

It is important to know what you’re aiming for. Why do you think serial killers are more popular that spree killers? They take their time, it’s a very caring approach. Say for example, you are at a bar. Instead of trying to attract every woman there, sit at the bar, staring at one of them. Time your cigarette breaks, so when she goes outside, you follow. Similar with going to the toilet, wait for her to go, even if you don’t need to. While in the men’s, wait to hear the hand drier before you leave, so you will exit at approximately the same time. This shows the care and attention you possess. It is important to stare at her constantly, never breaking eye contact, This shows persistence.

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This is the seductive look you need to go for. Chanting: “Ave Satani” is advised.

Step Two: Breaking the ice

It’s important to say the right thing. Assuming you followed the advice in step one, she should now be aware of your attention. The standard reaction to this will be to hide amongst her friends. This is a test of your courage. To impress her, you must get through this group of friends. There are a few methods of doing this. The best is to have a team of wingmen, equal in number to her friends, all utilising the same methods. Other methods include politely asking her if she would like a drink or a dance (This never works, more on this later), sobbing into your pint (women love sensitive guys) or, best of all, soaking everything in petrol and torching the place. This shows your burning passion.

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The Ultimate Wingmen. Bitches love fire.

Step Three: Be Assertive

It is widely known that confidence is sexy. So once the victim lady is talking to you, you now need to impress her. She may ask a variety of questions, the most common of which are:

Who are you?
Why did you set fire to my friends?
Stop or I’m calling to police.

The best reaction to this is to laugh like a madman until your throat bleeds. Women love a man with a sense of humour.

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This is the kind of sexy smile which guarantees success

Step Four: Moving On

If you’ve followed my advice so far, you should have no problem finding somewhere the two of you can be alone. The simple question: “Would you like to see my van?” should suffice, but as mentioned earlier confidence is key. Thus the phrase: “Get in the van if you know what’s good for you” is recommended. This lets her know you are in control, and that good things will follow.

Presto, how to attract a woman!

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Seems Legit

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